CELEBRITIES WHO HAVE BOUGHT MALIBU MONKEY! (Note: These are not endorsements. These celebrities just happened to buy my Balsamic Lemonade. Despite how they behave in front of the cameras, they were all really cool, down to earth, and totally nice.)
Cindy Crawford stopped by Vital Zuman Organic Biodynamic Sustainable Farm in Malibu and specifically asked for a bottle of my amazing Basil-Infused Limeade. And as you can tell by this photo - viola! Her trademark mole has disappeared! Who knows, maybe this stuff indeed has some magical properties that can Photoshop away annoying skin conditions. Now if could only erase other things, like annoying memories of one's exes. Richard Gere - gone! Val Kilmer (blugh!) poof! Away! Oh well, a girl does need to kiss a few frogs before she finds her Rande Gerber. And believe you me, it's Mr. Gerber, NOT Mr. Crawford. Speaking of which, Mr. Gerber, my Basil-Infused Limeade would make an excellent mixer for your and Mr. Clooney's Tequila. Just sayin'.
Ricky Gervais stopped by Vital Zuman Organic Biodynamic Sustainable Farm the evening before the 2013 Golden Globes to pick up some Balsamic Lemonade, Basil-Infused Limeade and a car load of organic veggies. He wasn't the host that year, and after seeing Jodie Foster's bizarre rant, it's best that he wasn't. Certainly he had a much better time watching at home than he would have had hosting. According to the farm, he and his friends were hilarious, just having a ball spending time with each other. I'm sure my amazing beverage made excellent mixers for whatever the final product was. I hope he found the idea for his next project deep in the cups, if not, call me, maybe?
That's right. Leo. Actor, humanitarian, the real deal. He doesn't always drink lemonade, but when he does, he chooses Malibu Monkey Balsamic Lemonade. He and a very leggy blonde stopped by Vital Zuman Organic Biodynamic Sustainable Farm and bought a bottle. Shook it up, guzzled it down, and begged for more. I've always admired his work, on screen and off. Aside from the charities he lists on his website: leonardodicaprio.com, you should also check out the site for the Natural Resources Defense Council: www.nrdc.org
"YUUUMMM!!!" That's what she said. No really, that is what Britney Spears said when she tasted my Basil-Infused Limeade. She and a "male companion" picked up a bottle at Vital Zuman biodynamic organic sustainable farm in Malibu. Another in a series of very wise choices by the comeback kid. Who knows, maybe my Balsamic Lemonade and Basil-Infused Limeade actually does have magical healing powers that chase away the Devil and bad hair days. Perhaps it is a part of a complete breakfast, can detoxify even the most diehard "winners", and make hubcaps sparkle like new. Maybe there is money in this damn business after all! Tomorrow, I'm going to knock on the doors of Promises, Passages, Cliffside and all of the other sober celebrity B&B's and get Malibu Monkey in the faucets, IVs, enemas and catheders! Wake up Hollywood! It's time to get SOBA! www.britneyspears.com
Daniel Tosh is the creator, writer and star of Comedy Central's Tosh.0. In the tradition of Youngman, Dangerfield and Saget, his rapid-fire one-liners are devastatingly funny and the envy of all of todays working comedians. Anthony Jeselnik was asked by an audience member at a 2013 performance in Los Angeles what he thought of Daniel Tosh. His reply: "He's the one guy I respect...and I keep my distance." Jeselnik, probably the first guy they would call to warm up the crowd if Phoenix were to ever have a Kristallnacht, respects no one. In fact, he regularly receives death threats from groups he has offended in his act. But his one fear is being on the receiving end of a Tosh beat down. Personally, I think they're both hacks. Steve Harvey and Earthquake - now THAT'S comedy! www.danieltosh.com
Daniel Tosh just put Malibu Monkey on TV! WOO HOO! THANKS FOR THE PLUG, MAN!
"I WANT BALSAMIC LEMONADE NOW!!!" That's what the fetus inside of Tori Spelling said, which made Tori yell, "STOP THE CAR!!!" to her hunky hubby, Dean McDermott. Since they first tasted it at Vital Zuman organic biodynamic sustainable farm in Malibu, the fetus and Tori were craving my Balsamic Lemonade. If that kid was born with puckered lips, now you'll know why. It was the lemonade, and not an impression daddy kissing mommy's butt. Okay, that was mean. Though it pains me to say it, in real life Dean is much better looking and more muscular than he appears on TV or in photos. Damn it all to Hell! Plus, you get the vibe that they are madly, truly, deeply in love. He's the big all-star jock, she's the head cheerleader, and his number-one fan. Their kids are cute little putti, with perfectly round faces, like something out of a Baroque fresco. Mazel Tov to the happy family! My only wish is that Dean coverts to Judaism in support of is 100% Jewish wife and children, and Tori converts to Hockeyism in support of her 100% Canadian husband. Oy, eh? www.torispelling.com
ENTOURAGE star and indie filmmaker, Adrian Grenier. recklessproductions.net. Believe it or not, he is way better looking in person than he is on TV. That means that a professional team of cinematographers, lighting technicians, hair and makeup artists actually dial down his looks for the camera. It's not fair! In reality, he is much more than just a pretty face. This guy is a serious artist, a smart businessman, an outspoken environmentalist, and a global philanthropist. Check out www.heifer.org. It's a very cool charity that he supports. Can you believe it? A true do-gooder disguised as a celebrity. Although our exchange was brief, he was very nice. His car, a Prius. His purchase, my Basil-Infused Limeade. Seems fitting for a down to earth guy.
LOST star Michelle Rodriguez. www.michelle-rodriguez.com. When she bought my lemonade she was with a friend who was also very nice. She was mellow, kicking back, just enjoying some time off from her busy schedule. This wasn't the retard Michelle Rodriguez who goes ape shit koo-koo bananas in front of the paparazzi. That crap seems a world away from how she was when she bought the lemonade. Weird, huh?
Movie and TV star, Michael Rapaport. www.michaelrapaport.net When you see him being interviewed, he acts like he's still doing promotional press for Zebrahead. All New York, all the time. But when I met him, he was just being a good dad, taking the family to the beach. His kids were climbing all over him, hanging on him, chewing on him, all sandy feet and giggles. He pulled over and got a bottle of Balsamic Lemonade for them. It was very nice. Next time you see him trying to pull off a role where he's the guy whose affraid to commit to the girl, just know that in real life he's totally Mr. Dad. He's a complete sucker for his kids and that's as cool as it gets.